


Losing

by orphan_account



Category: MAAS Sarah J. - Works, Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Death, F/M, I made myself sad by writing this, I regret nothing tho, Nothing but angst, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-03
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:20:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25052320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Grinning, Dorian answered the phone. “Hey, what’s up?”“Mr. Havilliard? I’m glad we finally reached you.”Dorian’s smile faded at the unknown voice. “Yes? Can I ask who this is?”“This is the Adralands local police department. I’m calling because there’s been an accident"
Relationships: Manon Blackbeak & Dorian Havilliard, Manon Blackbeak/Dorian Havilliard
Comments: 7
Kudos: 28





	1. Chapter One

The call that shattered Dorian's world came at 4:27 on a Wednesday afternoon.

Jogging over to the lockers at the far end of the gym Dorian picked up his water bottle and took a few long gulps before taking his cellphone from his backpack.

“That thing has been ringing for the last ten minutes, you should probably turn it off during practice”

“But what if Manon needs something?” Dorian asked, taking another mouthful of water from the nearly empty bottle, “I can’t ignore her, you know?”

Chaol shook his head, smiling nonetheless. His best friend of a lifetime had fallen in love and although it left them with less time together he couldn't help but feel relief that he had found someone who understood him, who loved him. 

As the phone began ringing again. “Pick it up. But make it quick.” He walked into the back room of the gym to make sure everything was taken care of.

Grinning, Dorian answered the phone. “Hey, what’s up?”

“Mr. Havilliard? I’m glad we finally reached you.”

Dorian’s smile faded at the unknown voice. “Yes? Can I ask who this is?”

“This is the Adralands local police department. I’m calling because there’s been an accident. You’re listed as the emergency contact.”

Dorian's stomach sank and his tongue turned dry in his mouth, the bubbling feeling of giddiness in his stomach turning into something biting and heavy with worry. “I don’t- Who was in an accident?”

“Ms. Manon Blackbeak, you are listed as her emergency contact. We need you to come down to the precinct to identify her body.”

“Her body?” Dorian’s voice was small. He couldn’t be hearing right. Manon had just gone home to take Abraxos out. She was going to bring back a light dinner in an hour. They had practice.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Havilliard.”  
Dorian sank to his knees on the mats, letting the hand holding his phone fall. He couldn’t speak. He couldn’t move. He could hear the voice of the police officer still calling to him through the tinny speakers, it all sounded so distant. Chaol came back to find Dorian on the floor, unmoving.

“Dorian, what are you doing? Who was on the phone?”

Dorian held his phone up to Chaol, still not saying anything, as the police officer continued to try to focus Dorian's attention. Chaol frowned. “Dorian, who is on the phone?”

Dorian stood up and pressed the phone into Chaol’s hands before sinking back down onto the mat, curling up into a ball. Chaol furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and put the phone to his ear.

“Yes? Who is this?”

Dorian couldn't hear what the police officer was saying anymore. He couldn’t hear anything. He shuddered, only in part from the cold. A broken sob wracked his body, and once he started crying, he couldn’t stop.

Then, the distant sound of the phone call caught his attention Dorian was pulled into Chaol’s arms. Chaol hadn’t held him since…Dorian wasn’t sure. Dorian started crying harder. Chaol wasn’t affectionate like this. 

This was wrong. Everything…everything was wrong.

“Come on, Dorian.” Chaol’s voice was gentler than anything Dorian had heard him use before. He let Chaol lead him to a bench and started to gather up his things. Chaol turned to shout orders to the rest of the staff before helping Dorian into his street shoes and ushering him out the door.

The cold air was like a slap to the face, and Dorian startled. 

“I can’t…Chaol"

Wrapping an arm around Dorian’s shoulder, Chaol kept him upright and moving forward. “I know. But you have to. I’m here.”

Dorian cried.


	2. Chapter Two

Dorian had never had many friends before Manon had come into his life. He had colleagues, roommates, acquaintances and of course, Chaol. But no one like Manon. 

Dorian had been at the top of the world. He owned a club, he had a large apartment, he had money. He was known as the easy-going friend, the one who could start a conversation with anyone and leave them feeling understood and listened to. The people around him looked up to him and sought advice, but they would never invite him out for lunch.

There was Chaol, but he had been so busy with his wife and the baby that they hadn’t had the time to catch up in a long time, it never bothered him though.  
He had Manon. 

So Dorian kept laughing, kept the deals going and kept the people around him happy. He let fate take the wheel and hoped that everything would work out in the end.

It almost did.

Then, Dorian met Manon. Her bright hair making her stand out from the crowd, her golden eyes catching his and he knew right then and there that maybe fate had a plan for him after all. She had him around her finger in the blink of an eye and he wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Dorian’s life was full, his heart. He finally had a family. Manon, Manon, Manon. His life, his love. 

All gone in the blink of an eye.

\- - -

It was early spring in Adraland and Dorian was cold. His fingers were stiff around the collar he held tightly in his hands. He was going to bury him too, not quite sure what else to do. 

He stood up when the people around him did. Strangers, that’s what they were. 

He placed the collar in her hands, pale and void of the blue-ish hue that always seemed to linger there. They had painted her cheeks and fingertips a rosy pink. They had gotten it all wrong. She would have hated the dress, white lace and jewel neckline.

Some people placed flowers, other laid stones. Aelin came up to him and hugged him as tightly as she could when they started nailing the coffin shut and told him that it would be okay. She didn’t sound like she believed it, he didn’t either. 

Astrien and Sorrel were holding each other, swaying side to side, whispering. Dorian had cried all the tears, an empty void left instead. Somehow, that was even worse.

\- - -

All he wanted was Manon.

He wasn’t eating. He wasn’t sleeping. He spent his nights wandering around Rifthold until he felt like his legs were gonna crumbled under him, and then a little more. The rare instance where sleep would find him his nightmares were filled with flashing lights and screams.

Dorian unlocked the apartment door, grocery bag full of vodka under one arm, a box filled with forgotten memories under the other.  
Staring blanky up and the selling from the kitchen floor, drinking vodka directly from the bottle, Dorian watched the ghosts of his past dance around the apartment. Manon’s guitar was still by the couch. Abraxos’s bed was in the corner. 

If he listened hard enough it was almost like he could the sound of a bottle opening for them to share, the sound of her laugh as he stepped on her feet yet again as they did an improvised valse across the floor of the kitchen. He took another swig of the bottle and eyed his phone. 

Should he call someone? That was what they had told him to do, wasn’t it? 

Taking another swig of vodka and grabbing his phone, he clicked the first contact he saw, not bothering to check who it was. He was about to take another swig when his entire body froze in place, the voice coming from the tiny speakers sounding so familiar, so comforting, yet like it belonged somewhere else, in another life.

“Hey, it’s Manon. I’m busy right now and I probably don’t care what you have to say, but feel free to leave a message after the beep or whatever.” The tone rang out and despite how utterly pathetic he felt doing it, he began talking. 

“He- Hey. I, ehhm, just wanted to tell you that I miss you so, so much. I love you,” Dorian’s shoulders started to shake. He couldn’t tell if he was crying or laughing…  
”God, I feel so silly doing this. You would probably laugh, I know you would. It’s already been two months, but sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday that you were here. It hurts, you know? It hurts.” His voice kept breaking and he held his breath for a moment as if expecting an answer.

Nothing ever came.

“I wish I could tell you-” A beep and then the call ended, the voicemail running out. 

His phone hit the floor and shattered into what seemed like a million pieces, just like him. He wanted to scream until his lungs gave out and the world faded, so he could finally have a moment of quiet.

Instead, he leaned back against the kitchen cabinet and took another swig of the bottle.


End file.
